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Jealousy and Ownership
One of the most intense feelings that arise in the context of love is jealousy. Jealousy can make us suicidal and urge us to commit murder. Evolutionary psychologists speculate that we are jealous because it was evolutionarily beneficial to our ancestors. Men go nuts if they think that their partner has sex with another man, [...]
The Narcissistic Lover
Did you fall in love with a narcissist? Yes? Bad news. Narcissists are incapable of having a healthy loving relationship. The pathological kind of narcissism comes in two forms: The first, which is found primarily in young adulthood, is characterized by a grandiose sense of self, promiscuity and disagreeable behavior. The second form, which is [...]
Is Romantic Love an Emotion? A Reply to Helen Fisher
According to Biological Anthropologist Helen Fisher, it is not. It’s just like sex and attachment: A drive. Fisher’s argument for this claim is that romantic love is associated with activation of neurons in the mid brain that secrete dopamine. As the dopamine system is a more primitive system than the emotional brain and the cortical [...]
Don’t Necessarily Trust a Man Who Can Cry
Crying improves our well-being. It releases stress hormones from the body and increases the level of the body’s natural pain-killers endorphines. According to William Frey, former Research Director of the St. Paul-Ramsey Dry Eye and Tear Research Center, emotional tears contain: Leucine-enkephalin, a mood-elevating endorphine, ACTH, a hormone that is a reliable indicator of stress [...]
Love Chemicals
When you fall in love, your bodily chemicals go haywire. The exciting, scary, mysterious and unpredictable elements of love stem from hyperstimulation of the limbic brain’s fear center known as “the amygdala”. Hyperactivation of the amygdala gives rise to a physical stress response in your body. Hans Selye, a Canadian endocrinologist, was the first to [...]
Signs of Commitment Phobia
January 23rd, 2012 
Brit 
Several readers have asked whether commitment phobia is a kind of avoidant attachment. I wouldn’t say that commitment phobia is a kind of avoidant attachment. But the two conditions often coincide. True commitment phobia is fear of any kind of commitment that involves other people, not just relationship commitment. People with commitment phobia need not be afraid of committing to things that do not involve other people. They may have no problem buying a house or a car or getting a dog. Their fear usually is connected with making a promise to another person. Falling in love with a person with commitment phobia can be a nightmare. Watch out for signs of commitment phobia before you find yourself hopelessly in love with someone who is not capable of having a relationship. A person with commitment phobia need not display every one of the following symptoms but the more symptoms he displays the more likely it is that he suffers from the condition.
1. His past relationships are all short and/or very noncommittal Read more »
Take back the driver’s seat: 10 steps to regain control of your relationship
January 19th, 2012 Brit 
Do you feel the power has been shifting in your relationship? Did you suddenly find yourself adjusting your calendar according to your partner’s schedule, canceling appointments to have lunch with him (or her), waiting for him to call or write, following him around like a little puppy dog?
This is bad news. People might think they like to be in control, they might temporarily enjoy the power trip they are on. But in the long run they will lose respect and admiration for the person who puts up with them, and at that point your relationship will be in serious trouble.
You can’t shift the power back by talking to your partner. Talking to people about their issues rarely gets you anywhere (unless you are a therapist). But there are lots of little things you can do to regain a healthy balance in your relationship. Here are a few suggestions to get you started. Read more »
Q&A: How do I make him fall in love with me?
January 4th, 2012 Brit 
Hi Dr. Brit. I would like to know if there is any possible way to make a man fall head over heels in love with you even if you already had sex with him many times.
Yours Respectfully,
“Carly” (not her real name)
Dear “Carly,”
It is certainly possible with some men. A man who is not emotionally unavailable may start feeling emotionally attracted to someone he has only previously felt physically attracted to. Christian Carter’s e-book Catch Him and Keep Him provides some great insights into how to turn physical attraction into emotional attraction. Read more »
Q&A: How do I get over my avoidant attachment issues?
January 3rd, 2012 Brit 
Hi, I have a fearful avoidant personality, and I want to change but I don’t know how to gain self esteem, and I don’t know how to want to be close to someone and not push them away because I am fearful and have trust issues. I dont know what to do… I find myself having attitudes when a male is close to me, but when they leave I just want them back… please help.
“Zoe” (not her real name) Read more »
Emotional Regulation as a Route to Happiness
January 2nd, 2012 Brit This post about emotional regulation and happiness was just posted over at the Breakup Cleanse.
Q&A: Am I happy in my marriage?
January 2nd, 2012 Brit 
I’m married – I have been for 28 years. Two years, I met someone who is the love of my life. We have not had a physical affair, but we are very emotionally attached. A year ago, my very first high school crush contacted me after an absence of 35 years and has attempted to become a major part of my life. I’ve lived my entire life without either of these “late entries” and have always thought I was happy. Was I?
“Karen” (not her real name)
Dear “Karen,”
It is quite common to get a little bored after being married for 28 years. Whether you have been happy depends on what your marriage has been like. Have you had serious problems in your marriage? Or has the relationship just become a little stale?
When someone new and charming enters your life after that many years in the same routine, it is only natural to feel enchanted and start to question your old life.
Q&A: How do I deal with my boyfriend’s confidence issues?
January 1st, 2012 Brit 
Hi Dr. Brit, I have a question about my boyfriend. He is 18 and i am 16. He lives in Canada and I live in Boston. He was perfect for the first 3ish months and then he started changing. Now he has had a hard past being a victim of bullying, depression and even molestation. He was cheated on 3 times and the last one also being a long distance one.
He calls me names when he’s mad like “bitch, asshole, stupid fuck, fatass (even though I’m 5’2 and 125 pounds.) But I must say I’m at fault too because when he calls me names I call him names back. I get pretty bad too. When he calls me a cunt I say go cut yourself you bastard. He used to cut and came from a bad family life.
He also gets very possessive. He always hates when I talk about my friends who are guys. I’m not into makeup and hair and clothes, which is why I really fell for him because he saw past that. That’s why I have more friends who are guys. He chooses not to see that and say I’m just copying my sister and she doesn’t know anything.
He doesn’t like me hugging other guys or even singing a duet or sitting next to one with a group of friends. He calls people wimps or faggots without even knowing them. Read more »
Q&A: Why did my boyfriend stop contacting me?
December 31st, 2011 Brit I was seeing a guy for 2 months. All was going swimmingly and then after a perfect weekend at his parents’ cabin, he started ignoring my calls/texts and then called me insecure for eventually asking why. After not contacting him for a few weeks, I did to say hi and we started going on “friend-dates” where he paid, flirted, was excited to see me when present, but they only happened on weekdays and he would sometimes be “too busy” if I tried to initiate dates. I finally emailed him after a great date, telling him that I wanted to be more than friends and to get back to me when he was ready. I called several days later when I got no response. It’s been over 2 weeks and I’ve gotten no reply. He’s always answered in the past and promised he would never just “disappear” on me. Does this sound like an itimacy problem, or something else? Should I ever expect him to contact me, and is it worth it giving him another shot if he does?
“Megan” (not her real name) Read more »